Going out on top

• From: dthorsley
• Date: Sat, 30 Jun 2001 18:06:33 -0700
• Message-ID: <000TJSTSP.001Q0B9CC.12170551-quizbowl_at_...>

Some play for lesser prizes such as ACF
Nationals, NAQT ICT, TRASHionals, or even CBI, but recent
events have made it clear what the most coveted prize in
quizbowl actually is.

As I have somehow managed to
be the first name on the list of "Top Ten Men of
College Bowl," there is obviously nothing more that I
have to achieve in the academic competition realm.
Therefore I am announcing my retirement from quizbowl,
effective immediately.

I am much grateful to those
members of the quizbowl community who assumed that the
Top Ten list was some sort of beauty pageant, as I
had never thought myself capable of winning such an
event. But now I have come to the realization that I am
a muscle-bound love god with an incredible sense of
style, and therefore have evolved far beyond the
quizbowl community.

Ever since the Top Ten list was
released, I have been receiving phone calls from
supermodels around the clock. They have been impressed by my
looks, intelligence, sense of humour, and earning
potential. Needless to say, I will soon accept one of many
marriage proposals I've received from them and live the
rest of my life in luxury, all thanks to the Top Ten
list.

As my position will be vacated next year, a new
person will reach the top of the top ten. Here are some
tips as to how you too can advance down the path that
ends with sex with supermodels:

1) Take care of
yourself. Eat well, drink well, sleep well, bathe well,
live well.
2) Don't be so egotistical as to believe
that the world revolves around you. Consider the
possibility that your opinions might not be 100%
correct.
3) Don't be utterly humorless about yourself. Smile
or laugh when someone pokes fun at you. Be aware of
your shortcomings and be good-natured about
them.
4) Have the good sense to realize when people are
being serious and when they're making a joke.
5)
Make friends with some women brash enough to write a
"Top Ten Men of College Bowl" list.

Dave