How to begin? As most of you know, it is I who have been accused of cheating. Although many of you are already very certain as to my guilt, I will attempt to show my innocence by offering a point-by-point response to the charges made. Of course, this is somewhat of a lie: There is no way (that I can think of) I can PROVE to you my innocence, much like there is no way I can think of that you can PROVE to me that I did it. Even my username here is a rather transparent attempt to woo people on to "my side," but hey, I'll take what I can get. As you can imagine, this whole incident has upset me significantly. Although I can understand the anonymous poster's desire for anonyimity, there is something to be said for the right to know thy accuser. To him/her: why would you not bring this to my attention first? I feel a simple explanation would probably have sufficed to end initial suspicions, but now I must defend myself against a suspicious mob, and we all know how much fun that is. And to those demanding a reply, crying for a defense by the accused, I would like to point out that the Yahoo! Clubs Quiz Bowl Message Board, although certainly representative of the quiz bowl players, is not the final tribunal. I have never before posted to the list, and only found out this accusation via Nancy, a friend. If I hadn't beel alerted to these charges, I can only imagine to what extent my guilt would have solidified in your mind by the time I next saw any of you. On to the defense, I suppose. I realize that all of these partial defenses are as specious as my accusation, so I will attempt to save someone the effort (and the hedonistic pleasure of writing me another cleverly scathing email) by arguing against (what I imagine will be) prototypical resopnse to my defenses. First and foremost, my main defense is that I, quite literally, do not have the time necessary to do what you have proposed. If I'm correct (which I may not be, I haven't read the past messages that carefully), the conjecture is that I somehow got ahold of the packets before the tournament, and memorized certain responses. I'm taking 24 units this semester (8 full courses), including several time-consuming independent studies and writing my senior thesis. I'm applying for an NSF fellowship as well, which has consumed a fair chunk of my time recently. (On which, incidentally, I put that one of my true passions was Quiz Bowl... let's hope this accusation has not reached the eyes of the NSF. That would make me very upset). I have, on average, at least one 4-5 hour assignment to do every day, including weekends, not to mention a rather severe "The New Tetris" addiction. So, as perhaps a second major point, I can't imagine the amount of motivation necessary for me to devote several day's worth of memorization, shirking tetris and schoolwork in the process and consequently hurting my grades, in order to have a good individual performance at a local tournament. There was no prize money to be had. My second place won me a $2.99 pack of nerds which was probably even on sale due to the post-Halloween candy sales. I can't imagine anything less enjoyable than playing an entire tournament, taking up an entire day of my life, in which I already knew all the answers. (That too was a lie. Being accused of cheating, although somewhat flattering, is presumably far less enjoyable).
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