Alright -- I'll play too. BUZZSPORT -- Jean-Claude Van Damme enters a secret Hong Kong quizbowl competition. After his friend is badly outbuzzed by an evil guy with a HUGE cerebral cortex, Van Damme faces his nemesis in the final. The nemesis throws dust in Van Damme's ears after tossup 15 (with no interference from an uncaring TD), but drawing on his unorthodox training, Van Damme "feels" where the next 5 tossups are going and crushes his enemy, amidst much flexing. And gets the girl. Jaws 5: The Return -- An ICT held in Miami Beach is ravaged by a great white shark. After the entire Miami Tech team (excepting a t-shirted Jennifer Love Hewitt) is consumed by the shark, Michael Caine hurls a live Judge into the beast's mouth and electrocutes it. Caine is then pulled from the water in a perfectly dry shirt. Highlander 4 -- After his defeat at CBI Regionals, Conor dominates at ACF Nationals. In a mid-round 30-20-10, Conor nails 1783 on the 30, noting, "Ah, 1783 ... that was a good year." European cut of the film features boobs. The 400 Buzzes -- Misunderstood adolescent Antoine Doniel enters a quizbowl competition, where his team finishes in the middle of the pack, leaving Antoine emotionally distant. Filmed in black and white, and full of ennui. The Wrath of Tom -- A certain Mr. Waters with the strength of 5 men returns to ACF Nationals and slaughters his foes. Unfortunately for him, the final match is played on a nebulous question set written by (fill in name as you see fit). In the climactic moment, Waters makes the error of 2-dimensional thinking and loses on a Riemannian geometry tossup. An Andalusian Buzzer -- Dead donkey dragged by tangled buzzer cords purchased cheaply in Cadiz. No meaning whatsoever. The Cabinet of Dr. Maddipoti -- ((The name was too good to pass up, but I've never met the fellow, so someone else can write this one if they like. Include LOTS of shadows.)) --Raj Dhuwalia
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