The Exploits of Andrew Yaphe

billbrasky01 · Thu, 12 Apr 2001 12:32:37 -0700

Let me tell you about Andrew Yaphe
He's a
10-foot-tall beast man, who showers in Vodka. He orchestrated
the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson. Yaphe
went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million.
He once hosted the Grammy's, and gave every award to
Corey Hart! He has a toenail on the end of his penis!
Yaphe's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating
Neil Armstrong! He ranked 18th in the AP College
Football Poll. Andrew once produced "The Dumbwaiter"...on
opening night, he chloroformed the entire cast and slowly
ate them in front of the audience for two hours! The
production got pretty good reviews...He breast-feeds John
Madden! Yaphe named the group Sha-Na-Na! They did not
want to be called that. If you drop a phonograph
needle on his nipple, it plays the Memphis Bleak's "Is
That Your Chick?". He once hunted down the entire cast
of the TV show Alf! He stomped and chewed every one
of them with a machete. They all begged for their
lives except for Willy...They use his foreskin as a
tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium! He wears a live
rattlesnake as a condom! Darryl Hawkins has a summer home in
Andrew's groin! His semen can form into a liquid human
that will do 50 at ACF Nationals! He framed Roger
Rabbit! Yaphe still believes in Santa Claus! And he wants
to put him in porno films. The character Johnny
Appleseed was based on him...except for the part about
planting appleseeds and not raping men! He gave a hand job
to a mannaray! He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia
and once sold me into slavery. They say Gene
Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to
Yaphe talk in his sleep. His poop is used as currency
in Mauritius. He'd eat a homeless person if you
dared him! He once breast-fed a flamingo back to
health. I once saw him scissor-kick Angela Landsbury. He
uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel. He once
inhaled a seagull. Yaphe had a four day heart attack...a
day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his
heart looked like a basketball filled with ricotta
cheese. They found $60 in change in his stomach. He
date-raped David Bowie. It was the sight of Andrew's naked
body that drove Brian Wilson insane. He once had sex
with a cigarette machine. I once saw him eat a whole
live chicken. he's a two ton man-mountain who could
palm a medicine ball! He killed Wolfman Jack with a
trident and ate a Bible while water skiing. He drives an
ice cream truck covered in human skulls. He has
dandruff the size of mice!

I just wanted to clear
up the rumors.

Jan Carew